theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
