I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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