I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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