ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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