I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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