Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
