my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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