so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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