I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
