I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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