fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
