we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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