Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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