She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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