Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
