yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
