is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
