There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
