I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
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It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.