Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times