I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture