Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize