I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.