dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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