Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
North Korea, Best Korea!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
