No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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