You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
