she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
