I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
