i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
