I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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