I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
