you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
