He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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