You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize