Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Drunk is a universal language darling
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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