The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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