I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
