Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
