O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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