My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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