he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
