why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
