So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
