the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
