What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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