I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize