some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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