The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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