A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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