xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
