Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
