I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
