My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
