Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
