Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
