Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
zippers are such a cool invention
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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