You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
