we're blogging at a bar
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you told grandpa to call you daddy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
