im about as happy as oj after his trial
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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