Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
