can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
