I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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