No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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