your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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