There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
