we're blogging at a bar
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
