afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
