I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am available for nakedness
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
