last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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