so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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